So I need to write. I need to find the time and energy to write. Which should be pretty easy because I feel like my life and well-being hinge on me becoming more of a writer. I need to write with the ferocity that my life hangs in the balance. Because it does. My normal day job just saps all my energy out, my sanity is threadbare. I walk around laughing at how much of an imposter I am, just waiting for someone to realize that I fake my whole day. Each smile and pleasing joke is forced. Maybe I’m just depressed, but I think it goes deeper into my soul and what I’ve been created to do.
As a child there were really just 2 things in life I loved. The idea of writing stories that would move people is one. I remember being so anxious to learn new words and how to write so I could craft stories. In 3rd grade I wrote a 3 page long single spaced story for the fun of it. In sixth grade I remember still writing stories. Soon after the need to plot stories and follow a teacher designated formula took over and killed my ability to write. I felt like I had to adhere to the process and I just couldn’t, I felt like I was doing it wrong if I went against that. Thanks to adult desire and reading “On Writing” and “Bird by Bird”, I’ve realized there is less process and more writing to writing, exactly how I always felt.
The second thing that I always loved was rock music. I remember hearing Built This City by Starship 2000 on the radio, I also loved the Flashdance soundtrack. Well, between writing and music, neither play a major role in my life. I have betrayed myself. Now that my kids are a little bit older, they don’t need constant supervision, my MBA degree is over, and I have time, there are two things I really want to focus on to save my life. Writing and Music. I guess you could call it authentic living. Anyway, this blog may be the catalyst or record of my journey to becoming more authentic.